"None of us has time to manage our texts and emails, so if I'm finding the time to manage this, there's something typically going wrong."Denial: "If you say, 'You're on your computer a lot,' and they emphatically deny it, that's a sign there could be guilt," he said, "because if they aren't doing something inappropriate they won't really protest."Coping with the problem Is it possible to rebuild a partnership once the trust has been broken?
Therapy is usually needed to address the problem and its fallout.
"What's needed is a neutral party to explain that this type of relationship is hurtful and harmful."For the cheater: Understand the trauma.
"Finding out your spouse has cheated is traumatic, and trauma kind of lingers," Rosenberg said.
To me it's a very simple mathematics equation: the more energy that goes (outside the marriage), the less energy goes into your marriage."Remain optimistic. If both parties are willing to work on their issues, anything is fixable.
Self-compassion is essential right away to get to the next level."Rosenberg added that a breach of trust can trigger other emotional issues if they haven't been resolved.
"If you had abandonment issues or abuse as a child, and you haven't recovered from it, this triggers it — so what you have is a response that is not only bad because someone hurt you, but it (also) has layers of hurt, and you need to look at those unresolved issues."For the cheater: Be accountable for your actions.
"People underestimate that trauma because no one talks about it. You have to understand what the person went through and give them the opportunity to let it go.
So that needs to be addressed, preferably with a therapist." For the victim: Don't hang on to the blame game.