There was talk of moving on to another bar, and so I decided that on the way out, I would slip a note with my phone number into his hand with an enigmatic smile, then disappear into the night, leaving behind only an air of mystery and allure. Classy, seductive, and best of all, I wouldn’t actually have to talk to him. I pulled back, and, feeling suddenly that it was rude to just walk away after a cuddle, I… No, I don’t know why either; at this point I was just relieved I didn’t mysteriously tap the side of my nose or mime being stuck in a box.
It all started to fall apart when I handed him the note. He looked a little startled, nodded back, and I turned heel and ran. all the way back to our table, where I discovered that, clearly having not received the ‘disappearing into the night’ memo, my friends had ordered another round of drinks.
I was a bit early, so hovered by the bar while I waited for my friends, pretending to read thousands of texts of general fabulousness instead of a Facebook message from my mum, and ever so subtly glanced over from time to time. I had been trapped in this world of naught but promising eye contact for quite some time when I had a bit of a moan to a Swedish girlfriend. Then a guy comes and asks one of them to dance, her face lights up as he leads her away and the others look on mournfully? I’ve resented it since I first saw the film, age 12, long before I was interested in any boys other than Brandon Walsh off 90210.
In Sweden, a bit of promising eye contact is normally followed by a bit of less promising eye contact. Don’t get me wrong: I’m well aware that promising eye contact can be hit or miss at the best of times, but I also (err, modestly) feel it’s statistically likely that at least handful of the men in the Greater Stockholm area would be interested enough to elevate matters to a bit of flirtatious banter. You know that bit in Grease, during the high school dance, there’s a shot of a few dorky girls sitting on the bleachers, bored, tapping their feet to the music?
This is deeply rooted in the Swedes and therefore boasting yourself or your accomplishments will most likely end up being perceived as extremely unattractive. Photo: Shutterstock Although Swedes aren’t the most chatty people on the planet, they’re really good listeners and genuinely interested in getting to know another person, which is very nice.
As in any conversation, there needs to be a balance between talking and listening, so if you really want to impress your Swedish date, remember to listen as much as you talk.
It is just as usual for a woman to ask a man out, as it is the opposite.
In fact, many think it is necessary if there should be any dating at all.
In some ways, it feels like the last frontier of feminism: women are free to pursue lives of professional and financial independence, yet – where I come from and have previously lived – we’re still trapped being somewhat passive in matters of romance.
Once the Swede feels comfortable, you’ll notice that they aren’t afraid of asking straightforward questions.
This might also have something to do with the alcohol you’re (most likely) drinking.
After some time, the dating might get to the next level with more lavish activities.
Swedes tend to live by the law of Jante (Jantelagen), which means that you should not brag or think that you’re better than someone else.