"When you keep your requests to three sentences or fewer, it's almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs." It's also a lot more likely that you'll get your point across without losing your spouse's attention. If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she will ratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue." The next time you see a spousal spat going to a not-so-happy place, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship, and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. The point is: Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. These grudges have lost their usefulness.'" Then take a match and burn them.But sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your partner. Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship. When did he feed the cat because the smell of cat food makes you want to hurl? "The funeral fantasy will help you remember to appreciate your spouse."Many people stay in troubled marriages because they believe they have no other choice.We asked experts—and women who've dated (and even married!) divorcés—to explain the many upsides to seeing a formerly married man.1. As a marriage unravels, "wives are pretty verbal about what they perceive their husbands did wrong," whether it be too much time at the office or being an awful communicator, says marriage and family therapist Rachel Sussman.Before you know it, there will only be a few bite-size problems left.Money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. If you find you and your spouse are starting to badger each other over the bottom line, it's time to have a penny-pinching powwow. "There's a concept called 'loss aversion' in economics, which simply means we really hate to lose.With any luck, "his ex taught him about the female body, what it takes to get a woman interested and how to give her an orgasm," he says.7. If he imagined post-wedding life to be perfect before he was divorced, he knows better now.
These men "tend to be more patient, less self-centered and more inspired to please a woman." Dating expert Scott Carroll, MD, who's a formerly divorced, now married man, agrees.
"We are all guilty of something economists call 'passive decision-making,' which just means defaulting to the easy option," says Jenny Anderson, coauthor of . Whatever the decision, both people have to be part of the decision to do it and then figure out what needs to be done to keep the system humming."When you need to ask your partner for something that could be misconstrued as nagging, keep the request at three sentences—max. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win," says Anderson. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them," says Bowman.
"Couples need to make an active plan about how they will manage their money: Combine it? "The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language," says Bowman. You might even rest your hand on his thigh as you say, "Honey, the house is a mess and I am exhausted. "It happens when couples talk about hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. "Once you are done, say, 'I will not think about these anymore.
"Many men have openly shared with me that they'd love to 'make a marriage right this time.'" Andrea, 47, who met her husband on Christian Mingle.com, experienced this phenomenon first-hand.
"Our previous marriages and subsequent divorces taught us what's important to fight for and how not to sweat the small stuff," she says.5. "Many marriages fail because men didn't realize that they wanted a woman with certain traits the first time around," says relationship expert April Masini,author of "Now they do, and you benefit from a man who's clear on this."Divorcés' straightforwardness can save you a lot of dating guesswork, adds clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph D."They may be more upfront about their limitations and strengths resulting in less game-playing and time wasted in relationships that won't work."6. Consummating a marriage gives divorced guys a leg up on pure bachelors in the bedroom.